Life

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 04:28:26 GMT

everything is really starting to come together....ive started my new job, and im doing very well. i can't wait for my first paycheck. my birthday is coming up very very soon. however i have no idea where im gonna have my birthday. its gotta be at a place where we can party and not worry about getting fucked....and nobody has to worry about driving after drinking...you know shit along those lines. for some reason i have a feeling that my 18th bday is gonna suck....but hopefully im wrong. anyway....as soon as i get my first paycheck im blowing it on my tattoo that i will be getting on my bday. very excited about that. ummm, yeah....my friends are alright right now, i guess. oh i passed my last drug test, thats always a good thing. i didnt think i was gonna pass that one. so yeah everything has been good. now that ive posted this lj somethings gonna go wrong. fuuuck. hahaha.. i have to say i really miss smoking pot. buttttt im not smoking anymore until i get off probation.....when that day comes, im gonna be in the fuckin clouds alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. hahaha. okay i think thats it. late.

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 04:44:49 GMT

im pretty happy with how everything is going in my life...
the only thing that has been bothering me is what to do
about these 2 particular male species....but other than
that im content...and everything has been going pretty
good. what a change......

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 15:45:24 GMT

im getting a car this fuckin week. so damn happy about that.

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:21:43 GMT

court next tuesday the 16th.
fuck, im nervous.......
wish me good luck.

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 18:00:24 GMT

im fucking rad because i passed my drug test
and it had only been a week since i haven't smoked.
now that i passed it, im gonna get so high today!!!
and i am indeedly excited.
fuck yes!

peace out bitches < 3

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 17:05:18 GMT

i dont know what is happening in my life anymore. i dont know what to think anymore. i dont know what to do anymore.
ive got so much shit on my mind all the time. i dont know why i keep fucking everything up. i have once again dissapointed my family. tomorow im suppose to go to a birthday party for my aunt at her house, the whole family will be there. but i dont think i will be going, only because i am scared of what my family is going to say to me. i already know there all gonna try to talk to me about it and frankly i just dont want to hear what they have to say about it. only because its going to make me feel worse and them feel worse. i dont know what is going on with me. all i ever wanna do know is escape from it all. i want nothing to do with myself or my life. i look at my friends and their lives with envy. i wish i was smarter and better and i wish i wasnt so stupid with some of the choices i have made in my life. im only 17 and i know i can easily change it all later in my future, but in the back of my head i think what if i cant....what if i keep fucking up over and over and over again, what if my life will always be like this. i want to escape from all of this....i want to be high
24-7....i never want to be sober for a single second. but i know it wont happen like that either. i hate being this way, i hate myself and i hate everything. i know this whole entry is the most emo thing ever, but i dont give a fuck because unfortantly this is how i really feel about everything. i wish i wasnt this way, and i wish that i didnt feel the way i feel. but i do, and i dont know how to change it. what the fuck. seriously what the fuck. i want drugs. i want to be high. i want all of this shit to end......i dont want this for myself. what the fuck am i suppose to do about everything, cause i have absolutley no fucking clue.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 23:55:48 GMT

my new schedule-
monday: working 10am - 6pm
tuesday - thursday: working 10am - 5pm, ged classes 6pm - 9pm
friday: working 10am - 6pm
saturday: working 10am - 6pm
sunday: working 10am - 6pm

my first day at nature's way cafe starts tomorow.
im so happy i finally have a job.

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 20:27:51 GMT

tonight im going out to dinner with my family.
all of my family on my dad's side. im gonna get to see my uncle,
he's coming all the way from japan with his future wife.
im excited to see him. i have to sleep on the couch for
two nights though. but oh well, ill get over it.

fuck you....you know who you are

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 00:28:12 GMT

im not going to make an
effort if your not going to
make an effort as well.
why the fuck should i try
so fucking hard and get
nothing in return? why?
id really like to know.
dont fucking blow
me off anymore either.
im sick of it.
but oh of course you will
give me your little excuses.
making it seem like im wrong
and your right....once again.
i understand that you have
other priorites in your life,
other friends, a boyfriend,
and so on. however i will
remind you that i have been
there for six fucking years,
going on seven. you tell
me that nothing has changed
everything is the same.
then why the fuck do i
never see you anymore?
dont feed me lines of
bull shit, BULL FUCKING SHIT.
but whatever if thats the way you
want it, then fine. im not
making the effort anymore.
and when you read this
do not call me to hang out
only for pitty!!!!!!!!
im done with getting blown off.
im fucking done trying.
fuck it and fuck you.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 14:08:04 GMT

i told him...
i told him that i like him.
so now what?
i just hope that i didnt
fuck things up by doing so.
he hasnt told me how he feels yet.
i really want him to like me back.
now i just have to wait for him.
this sucks.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 00:55:10 GMT

you make no
sense what so
ever.

you judgemental
piece of shit.

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 14:11:14 GMT

thank you for being
a wonderful person
and a wonderful friend.
thank you for not taking
advantage of me.
i love you
so much...
the worst part is,
i think im falling for you when
i really shouldnt be.

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 04:49:53 GMT

i love shooting
people and killing them
i love it.
therefore i love grand theft auto
best video game created.

p.s. Happy Holidays to everybody.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:31:28 GMT

i	love
a lot	of
people.	mainly, my friends < 3

IM TRULY IN love WITH
MY FRIENDS.
I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH!!!!!

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:41:10 GMT

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 01:17:46 GMT

_{fuck you...
because my friends
are amazing.
that is all there is to it.
end of story.}

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 00:55:10 GMT

_{have you ever felt like crying
for no reason what so ever?
i dont know why i feel like im
going to cry, because i have
no reason to.

p.s. bake sale was amazing}

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 20:18:49 GMT

_{its crazy to think that
in the past week 3
people have died.}

Sat, 11 Nov 2006 14:57:31 GMT

_{so i might be
going to juvey....
you know, jail....
for minors.
and if i do go
ill be there on x-mas
day.
awesome!}

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 00:47:33 GMT

_{fuck you.
you make me so angry.
you make me feel
like shit. you make
me feel like im
not important to you
or anybody else for that matter.
i try to do what you ask.
i try to please you.
i try to be a good daughter.
but nothing seems to work.
nothing i do will ever be good enough.
why did you give birth to me
if i was such a mistake.
why didnt you just take birth control
or use a fucking condom.}

_{better yet, why dont you
just fucking murder me,
that way you wont have
to deal with my "fat ass, ugly ass,
or piece of shit ass" as you would say.
you make me feel empty,
you make me feel worthless.
i honestly dont know what to do anymore.
i want to runaway from all of this so bad.
i dont want to see your face anymore.
i dont want to wake up and the first thing
i hear is how worthless i am.
you can beat the shit out of me all you want
you can call me whatever you want,
you can take me shopping,
and spoil the shit out of me
to make me 'feel better',
cause thats the only way you know how to.
but no matter what you say or do
you are truly the only person
that i can say i hate and actually mean it.
it hurts to say that i hate my mother,
i wish i didnt have to say it,
but its reality, its the truth.
guess what mom
^{i fucking hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}}

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 20:33:59 GMT

went trick or treating with manda for a little bit,
then went to josh's.

all and all it was a very good night < 3

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 17:10:43 GMT

_{last night was so much fun.
i was with josh, manda,
and doug. we went to the beach.
got a shitload of oe (old english).
i have decided that oe is deff my favorite
type of beer. i wish i would have had my
camera.}

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 19:21:32 GMT

_{i hate being so addicted to
cigarettes. cause when you really
need one, and dont have one,
it sucks soooooooooooo
fucking baaaaad.}

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 03:52:37 GMT

joey, troy, manda, and josh came over.

i smoked a little bit tonight. only 3 hits. im high, but deff not stoned.
its felt weird to smoke again, only cause its been so long. kinda sucked though, didnt get high enough, and right when i smoked eveybody had to leave =[
i'll be clean in two weeks.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 23:02:38 GMT

_{i dont care what anyone says
no doubt was such a good band.
gwen your a fucking idiot for leaving.
you went from awesome, to complete shit.
your gorgeous and were in a great band,
and now your just gorgeous and you suck.
good job gwen.}